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Lights at the Ends of Tunnels

by How To Be Dead

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1.
stop say no more you don't have to apologise just say the word and i'll fall back down to earth we both knew this would happen it was only a matter of time i hope you get over your fall back down to earth
2.
there you go again you say you're helping but i know that you don't care if you're gonna push me over you could at least remove that pile of bricks from under me i know i've made mistakes but you don't need to keep reminding me i see you pulling at my tail you know you're driving me insane? you're impossible to stand do you even understand? you're insufferable to stand oh i think you understand
3.
Strangers 05:45
i don't want to remember a single second in that place if it was so important how come i've forgotten everything? and everyone and after all this time i don't know you i didn't even know how to say goodbye i don't know you and i'm trying to think of any way i can explain myself and when i think i'm growing up something sends me back to the start again push myself towards the edge and after all this time i don't know you was never very good at saying goodbye i don't know you what am i doing? i don't know you people and here i remain with 16 years gone down the drain and now all my friends are strangers i'd like to know if you want to come and meet up again some time i don't know you i'd like to come and speak again sometime get to know you
4.
i saw it from a mile away i knew it'd sting for a while i hope that you're okay i wanna ask how you're doing but i can't talk to you and ever since that day i've felt exactly the same i've got to say something but i don't want to say that i never liked you anyway and it was all for nothing i'm glad i took a break but i fear i'm drifting away from everybody else you said we'd still be friends but we still haven't talked since, uh, i wake up in the morning, hoping that i've forgotten so i can move on but in the morning i remember i've got to forget, but i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i can't, but i have to, i don't know
5.
Limbo 04:08
i figured that by now that maybe i'd feel different but i still feel the same i tried to write something to vent frustration but i don't know who to blame i accidentally called you looking at old conversations i felt so ashamed is this just how i am now, in emotional limbo? i don't want to feel the same (i'll keep on waiting but the weight is just too heavy to bear)
6.
i remember when i had first opened up to you i was terrified to lose the spark at any second i felt that we had rushed into something too fast for a while there i was always scared i'd lost it i'd hate for you to see me like this you're right there and i'm right here on the outside looking in i've tried so many times to explain but i only end up talking in circles as some time passed i thought it looked like we'd make it after all and, finally you came to me and you said you'd lost it i hope you know you made me like this i never should've let you go why did you have to let me go?
7.
why did i ever say that? how was i so slow? do you still think of me that way? i guess i'll never know the disconnected feeling i hadn't felt before i can only guess that's how you felt when we were something more i don't want this bridge to burn but i really need to know i don't want to say the wrong thing and pass the point of no return i guess you'll never know
8.
i didn't know what it meant i mean, of course i knew what it meant but i didn't know what to say so i just mimicked your words and i hoped it would be okay i said i agreed with you i think that was right at first to say that i was okay but in truth, i thought that we could go much further maybe that's just the optimist i'm holding hostage how far is too far? and how close isn't far enough? how long is too long? and how short isn't long enough? i remember what you said, you said you couldn't call it real you said the distance was too much, i can't believe that i believed you you know how much those words, those lies dug beneath my skin? and all i have to say in return is who the fuck is that?
9.
who's this new person that you're with? i remember you knew them from before was this your plan for this whole time? kick me out so you can be with them? i know what you're doing i can see right through you so here i remain with half a year gone down the drain this is what i get for loving a stranger
10.
Wasteaway 12:03
PART 1 - DISCONNECT it's most likely obvious i still miss you but i'll never say it to your face i don't know what i'd do if you heard this my brain is moving too fast i know i can't make sense of everything but i wanna at least make sense of something is that too much to ask? i'm not unstable, i'm just not stable i used to hold myself together why am i disconnecting now? i was doing alright at first i have to tell you at some point, but i can't find the words maybe this is them i don't wanna talk about it i just want you to know PART 2 - LIGHTS AT THE ENDS OF TUNNELS you left and i just missed you then you came back, it only made it worse so i left in hope that i wouldn't miss you but instead i just missed everyone else ain't there supposed to be a light at the end of the tunnel? i swear they keep pushing it further back every time i think i'm close you remind me of what could've been we were this close we weren't close at all PART 3 - WEIGHTLESS (REPRISE) i spent our summer writing an album, i wish i told you, and when i finished it, i never showed you, i poured my brains out, all for nothing, i think i felt too scared to open up as much as i did, but it could've made things happen different i hope you never listen to this i will never let you go why the hell did i say that? PART 4 - WASTING AWAY if it only hurts in the beginning what can i do to get to the middle? i've tried to act like we're still friends what i'd do to get closer/ure i don't have the strength to cry i know i shouldn't keep it inside PART 5 - THE AFTERMATH and when you go i'll still be here and if you come back i'll still be here i will never fall in love again
11.
Fiction 06:21
i apologise that i couldn't be what you need i don't need a translation i know exactly what you mean i could tell it was too much from the way you hesitated if it was only fiction at least i can erase it if only it worked out we'd have nothing more to worry about i'll try to move on as well it's such a shame it won't happen again can we still be friends? i apologise that i couldn't be what you need i don't think this is closure but i think i'm almost free i could tell it was too much from the way you hesitated if it was only fiction i never will erase it

about

thank you to all my friends who were here while I made this - Sam, Addie, Alex, Ivy, Greg, Laser, Matthew, Aaron, Conor, Joanna, everyone else I felt too embarrassed to name

thank you to the artists who inspired this album - Car Seat Headrest, Smashing Pumpkins, Snow Patrol, Feeder, Deftones, blink-182, The Strokes, Spoon, Avenade, The Presidents of the United States of America, Prince Daddy & the Hyena, We Are Only Human Once, My Bloody Valentine

thank you for listening to my album

and if You see this (you know who You are), I'm sorry. Thank you very much.

credits

released January 8, 2021

writing/guitars/vocals/programming/synths/mixing/mastering/art by Ryan Owens
photography by Alex

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How To Be Dead Southampton, UK

"horrible, but charmingly horrible"

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